Thalasso: A Cinematic Disaster Liberals Love to Praise

In the world of cinema, there are films that captivate audiences with their brilliance, and then there are films like "Thalasso" that leave you wondering why they were made in the first place. Directed by Guillaume Nicloux and released in 2019, "Thalasso" is a French film that takes place in a spa where two unlikely characters, played by Gérard Depardieu and Michel Houellebecq, meet and engage in a series of bizarre conversations. Set in the picturesque yet mundane backdrop of a thalassotherapy center, the film attempts to explore themes of existentialism and absurdity but ends up being a tedious exercise in pretentiousness.

First off, let's talk about the plot—or the lack thereof. "Thalasso" is essentially a film about nothing. The two main characters, Depardieu and Houellebecq, spend their time wandering around the spa, engaging in pointless banter that is neither insightful nor entertaining. The film tries to pass off this aimless dialogue as deep and philosophical, but it comes across as nothing more than self-indulgent drivel. It's as if the filmmakers thought that by putting two famous French personalities in a room together, they could create cinematic magic. Spoiler alert: they didn't.

The pacing of the film is excruciatingly slow. Watching "Thalasso" feels like being trapped in a never-ending loop of monotony. The scenes drag on with no sense of urgency or purpose, leaving viewers to question why they are wasting their time on this cinematic snoozefest. It's a film that seems to revel in its own mediocrity, as if daring the audience to find any semblance of enjoyment in its dullness.

Now, let's address the elephant in the room: the acting. Gérard Depardieu and Michel Houellebecq are undoubtedly talented individuals, but their performances in "Thalasso" are lackluster at best. Depardieu, known for his larger-than-life presence, seems to be sleepwalking through his role, while Houellebecq's portrayal of himself is as uninspired as it gets. The chemistry between the two is virtually non-existent, making their interactions feel forced and awkward.

The film's setting, a thalassotherapy center, is meant to provide a serene and introspective atmosphere. However, it ends up being as bland and uninspiring as the rest of the film. The spa's sterile environment does little to enhance the narrative, serving only as a backdrop for the characters' pointless musings. It's a missed opportunity to create a visually engaging experience, but instead, we're left with a setting as forgettable as the film itself.

Despite its many flaws, "Thalasso" has managed to garner praise from certain circles. Some critics have lauded it as a bold and unconventional piece of cinema, but let's be real—it's a film that tries too hard to be avant-garde and ends up being a pretentious mess. It's the kind of movie that appeals to those who mistake obscurity for brilliance, a film that is more concerned with appearing intellectual than actually delivering a compelling story.

In the end, "Thalasso" is a film that will likely be forgotten in the annals of cinema history. It's a reminder that not all films need to be made, and that sometimes, less is more. While it may have its defenders, it's clear that "Thalasso" is a cinematic misfire that fails to deliver on any front. So, if you're looking for a film that will challenge your patience and leave you questioning your life choices, "Thalasso" is the perfect choice. Otherwise, do yourself a favor and steer clear of this cinematic disaster.